A few brief words from me, then the quotations begin.
Briefly, I struggle mightily with joyfulness, or rather, NOT having it. It is easy for me to assume the worst motivations in people and events, or to expect them. It is even easier to presume the worst in myself--that I have failed, or will fail in the future, that I will garner the disapproval or ignorance of others, that I will be hurt. There's a lot that goes in to that, and I would be glad to discuss that with you, but if you bring it up with me, I must warn you--I may assume you are just trying to lecture me. Be forceful enough I can't run away, but gentle enought that I won't want to.
That being said, I have a few thoughts, and some other blessed resources you may find especially nifty.
First, in some ways, my worst fears are correct. None of us are worthy, least of all myself. But we have no reason to leap from failure to despair. A few simple words have broughy joyfulness to my heart:
"You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and appointed you, that you would go and bear fruit and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name, he would give to you." Jn15:16 (NASB)
What an encouragement! How often we assume that we must please God and curry favor. To earn his love. To choose him. But this is not what He desires, nor is it what is best for us. Remember: He chose you. He appointed you. Moreover, he has appointed us to serve Him and bear fruit for Him for His Kingdom. Much can be said about this (and if you want to leave your thoughts in a comment, do so please!!) but the germane point here is this:
We are not the victims of a careless cosmos or a capricious (or malevolent) deity, a far-away terror manifest only in our troubles. Indeed, He is just the opposite: an tremendously close Presence who assumed our troubles upon Himself, who manifest sorrow within Himself, that we would no longer be alone and afraid.
And yet, how often do I turn away! The words written down by John so many centuries ago mean little if I disbelieve them. I am slowly learning just what Christ meant when He called himself a stumbling block, and blessed those who do not take offense at Him. It is too easy to dismiss those scoffers as bitter atheists or secularists, and look at what the do, and call them proud, and spiteful.
I am convinced more and moer that Christ did not say those words to them, but even more so to us. We are the proud! We are the spiteful! We are the scorners! Chief of all myself.
The truth is that I so rarely live like Christ's words hold much promise, that they are water that takes away the thirst. I so rarely believe I am appointed or chosen. I so rarely freed from the burden of trying to earn it.
I keep trying because I want to earn it.
And that is the stumbling block. That is the key. That is the offense. That in spite of all our fears and insecurities, that we still try to do it ourselves. We can only carry either the fruit of the cross, or the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. We choose wrongly.
Here are some super-duper resources I've read in the past few days when not studying biochemistry...
The Captivity of Negativy, by Kara Scwab, at Boundless. Recommended heartily, with two thumbs up--right and left!! (Was that a dumb joke? Oh wait, no more negativity! Dang I almost forgot!)
The next one I will quote in its entirety. It is at spiritdaily.com, a website with Catholic theology and a curious eschatological bent (consult Mr. Webster if you must), but nice little homilies that are only up for a day or so, so to make sure y'all read it, it gets stuck here.
ONLY THROUGH PURITY CAN WE SEE ALL WE NEED TO SEE AND IN THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVEDo you see what is really there? Do you see the truth, the full truth, and othing but? Are you sure there are not distortions in what you observe -- even things imagined?
We go through life with a vision that's imperfect. Sometimes it is more imperfect than at other times. Sometimes, it's outright distorted, as through a prism (or the mirror of a funhouse). Sometimes, we're outright blind. And the reason is that truth is seen in proportion to our purity, our goodness, and our honesty. That's a heavy remark but the eye is the window of the soul and when the soul is murky, when it is blocked, so is what we see.
Sin after sin pile up to block us. We imagine that someone doesn't like us. We imagine they are talking behind our backs. We imagine they have done all kinds of things they may not have done. We fret about what will happen to us. Remember what it says about the "log"? There is the log in our eyes and there are also the logs we dump into our living waters (the part of us that flows from God). Look at what happens in the Northwest when they're lumbering. Logs pile up, obscure the water, and almost halt it.
The same is true with us. Sin. Bad habits. Negative thoughts. Pride. These are all logs that stop the water and thus the tree that could bear fruit alongside it.
It's also like a spring: Clear water allows us to see the bottom (and the fullness of
a creek) while water that's muddy can hide what is in it (even danger: did you
every notice where alligators live?). The truth is clear only when the soul
is pure, and so purify this Christmas and see like you have never seen! See the
truth. See the full picture. Stop imagining the worst.
Ask Our Blessed Immaculate Mother to give you immaculate vision. Purify yourself by elevating yourself into a mindset of love. Go to Confession. Fast before the feast.
This will help you observe matters in a new, fuller way -- and that can be
the source of what Christmas is all about: comfort and joy. Go for it!
It is the time of year when matters can be unusually lucid and you should take
advantage of it: "Lord, let me have new eyesight. Let me see what I should see,
clearly. Let me see reality in more fullness."
"Let me see what is backstage." Remember how when you opened to God you suddenly saw things differently? There are further vistas to open. But sin trips us up. Sin --
even minor sin -- distorts. It darkens. So do bad habits. We stir up the muck
when we are anxious, when we have anger, when we have lust, when we are tapping
into a frenzy of the soul. When our thoughts are "dirty."
When we're lustful, we see only through that lust. It clouds us. It skews our thinking. And when we're jealous, our vision stops at the object of our jealousy.
Deceive others and you deceive yourself! When you're selfish, meanwhile,
it's like trying to walk while holding a mirror in front of you (seeing not what
is in front of you but only yourself, or what is behind you and should stay
there).
On the other hand, when we have purified -- when we're clear, when we're humble -- we get the living waters from Heaven. St. Teresa of Avila once said that the light of Heaven is like "a very clear stream, in a bed of crystal, reflecting the sun's rays," while Sister Lucia of Fatima described the angel she saw as "whiter than snow, transparent as crystal when the sun shines through it."
It is with that light that purity sees. Look at the Infant. Look at the chaste father. Look at the immaculate mother. Invoke them. They will help you purify. They will help you see. They had the foresight of the Holy Spirit. The eye is the window of the soul and impurities cloud it. We see worries that we really don't have to worry about. We argue with members of the family when there really is not something there to argue about. This happens especially at Christmas (when the devil is so active).
If we lie, or cheat -- if there is a bit of deception in us -- our vision is limited in proportion to our deception (or negativity). The same is true if we lack love. Love brings the clearest waters. Good water is clear and bad water is murky from
pollution or algae or some other imbalance. In the maintenance of a pool is
the need for the right pH, the right chlorine, and the right filter that keeps
the water from obscuring what we can see. So too in our lives. This is why
we must remove the "log" to see what we really can see. How often we try to form
judgments based on partial perceptions!
The answer is living and thinking
rightly. The answer is in being a blessing to everyone. The answer is in rising
above the tugs of worldliness through purity. This holiday season -- this season
that is so pure -- resolve to cause everyone around you to feel better. Give
everyone a blessed day. Watch your interior life closely (every thought). Do you
know how it is when you have a day where everything goes right -- when all seems
to flow with grace? Pray that everyone you come across has that experience: give
everyone the gift of a day's blessing.
Such will elevate you. Such will purify. Christmas is a terrific time to purify! Make it the gift to God this holiday -- and to yourself. And see like you have never seen before -- all the way to Bethlehem.
Now this last is a link I found on spirit daily. It is the True Knights, a website against pornography that is "Defending the Family, Defending the Faith" and whose mission is to fulfill the "need for a crusade of manliness and purity to counteract and nullify the savage work of those who think man is a beast. And the crusade is your work."
How flippin-sweet is that?! Plus, the website plays (I kid you not and I am so excited my fingers are trembly) BAROQUE GUITAR CONCERTOS!!! Great googly-moogly! Or, as my jazz-guitarist room mate says when he gets new guitar strings, "Hot Diggety Dog!"
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