The Vomit Eaters

"As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."

This weekend I have a special weekend link roundup for you, and its nature is one that is serious enough that I don't think it would be appropriate to clog up my post with pictures of cattle rustlers or send out funny emails this time.

A number of the blogs I read regularly (or learned about from a link from a blog I DO read regularly) have had touching accounts of struggles with sexual addiction. Sexual brokenness is such a tremendous struggle both within the Church and outside of it that I would argue that its effects may be analogous to a cultural Black Death. Lust, like the bubonic plague, had long afflicted humanity, but societal changes may allow it, like the plague, to sweep over hill and dale and into the homes of all people, tearing them asunder. In the 1300's, longer winters reduced food supplies, and widespread malnutrition weakened immune system responses, just as trade with the Orient brought plague-infested rats aboard merchant sloops. Between one and two of every three people perished.

Our culture today suffers from hunger. The old cultural mores are fading fast and indifference to God dulls many. The relentless pursuit of perfection (Lexus's motto, by the way) and wealth erodes what little substance remained, as rainwater washes away the earth from fallow fields. How many are raised by absent fathers--more shadow than flesh--or driven mothers--who clutch rather than hug?

Amidst this societal brokenness, pervasive cable television and interactive internet carry an old disease but unleash a new epidemic. And we barely have the strength to fight. See this, and read the comments, too.

Here are the stories of those who have been infected--but they are also stories of healing, as well. But before you read them, I'd invite you to pray. Repent, if need be. I don't want this to be some light reading nestled in between ESPN and Drudge Report. If you don't treat this topic with respect, I'd rather you not read at all; sexual addiction feeds on numbness to tragedy, and I will do all I can to prevent my blog from furthering any such numbness. My prayer is that this would convict the indifferent, encourage the despairing, and bless the recovering. It is why each of these three chose to share their stories, and they have been a blessing to me.

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Anne Jackson, Flowerdust.net

Anne is one of my favorite bloggers, probably because she has personality--she says: "Anne Jackson is a big dork who loves God, her husband, people, the church, and writing. Oh, and dark chocolate." If you've ever read my emails instead of deleting them, you know I'm a fan of self-deprecating humor.

Anyway, here are links to struggles she shared, with a quick excerpt after each.

An Emotional Affair

Something happened not long after Chris and I got married. There was a guy we both knew and for whatever reason, I began getting tons of attention from him. Now that we were married, the whole conviction thing crept in and I told Chris what my mind and emotions were doing. It was THE scariest thing I have ever done. But I promise you. It is possible. You can tell your spouse what you’ve been going through.

Pretty Woman - My Battle with Beauty and the Beast

Something I have always battled is comparing myself to other women. It’s almost natural for me to see someone and think, “If I were that skinny…that tall…that confident…if my teeth were that white…my skin that clear…” but on the flip side, I also think, “I’m glad I’m not that fat…that short…that gangly…that wrinkled…”

Truth and Sex

So..I know this has been a really scary thing to write about. Honestly, I’m still debating whether I should post this or not. But I don’t think I have a choice. This is a real problem and if we keep hiding it - like I did for so long - we will always be a slave to it.

Cindy Beall

I learned about Cindy because her posts were cross-listed on Anne's blog right before Christmas (they evidently know each other and will be working at the same church in Oklahoma City).

Our Story, Chapter 1

I heard the cracking of my heart as he spoke and felt the devastation setting in almost immediately.

Our Story, Chapter 2

Our Story, Chapter 3

Our Story, Chapter 4

Our Story, Chapter 5

It Takes Two...

Do I Trust Him Yet?

But it’s not really Chris I trust…it’s the Jesus in him that I trust. Isn’t that the way it is with all of us?

My Boys

Be sure to see that link to her boys...it's a treasure.

Tim Yeager, Truth Isn't Sexy

I found Tim's blog also via comments from Anne's blog, and I've been reading his long and arduous struggle towards recovery. It's been difficult and not without stumbles, but if God can make a dead man live, he can restore his son. Here are some various posts.

The Breakthrough (12/1/05)

The Pain in Healing (12/8/05)

The proper way for a broken man with a deep wound of brokenness to be healed, is to allow God to heal you from your root, slowly and steadily. Everyone’s root is different, but it is where all addictions are based. I have needs inside of me that long to be met. If I may quote somebody, who quoted another somebody, “”Unmet Needs get Met, it is our choice who meets them”". I chose the wrong desire for many years to meet my needs, and it left me empty and emotionless (I know I will be talking about the loss of emotions in a later blog). The only one who can meet your unmet needs is God. I mentioned earlier that I wasn’t sure if packing a wound hurts, but I can tell you that the process of God healing me
hurt my flesh, greatly. It is a slow process, one that is still going on now, but is the only way to be truly healed. It has been likened to the process of refining gold, one that requires fire, patients and time.

Alright, Here it Is (2/22/06)

This past month I have:
Call Adult Chat lines
I have called strippers, posing as a guy interested in ordering there services
I have lied.
Somewhere deep in my soul I tried to justify all of this by not masturbating. God doesn’t care about what I do or don’t do, He cares about my heart. I have been selfish; I have kept my heart to myself, away from God and my wife.

I Am Broken (3/29/06)

I am full of shame, self-hate and I feel hopeless. I am scared to find out that God’s plan for my wife is for her to be happy far away from me...So here I am, hurting because of the hurt that I have caused my wife by the selfish choices that I have made. fearful that my honesty will be the end of the only thing I have left, and terrified that I will be alone...

A Month for the Books (6/13/07)

I am not sure if I may ever say that am free from any past temptation, but I can say that I am definitely at a healthier place in my life. My relationship with Christ has seemed to turn into one of dependency on Him, and intern seems to be adding depth to a relationship that was at one time living or dying at the surface...My wife and I are closer than we have ever been. Still separated, but honestly much better off than any other time in our life. We still aren’t free of struggle, but our ability to to resolve has definitely improved.

Our Deepest Fear (10/1/07)

We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

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That is it for now. Feel free to comment, and as always, I would be happy to pray for y'all if you tell me.

Preview for next time: Quick thoughts on politics and religion, coming Wed, Jan 2 (or thereabouts).

In Hoc Anno Domini

This is a Christmas Eve editorial from the Wall Street Journal by the late Vermont Connecticut Royster, a long-time columnist who passed away a little over a decade ago. (His family also had the peculiar habit of naming children after states. Among his relatives were Arkansas Delaware, Iowa Michigan, Wisconsin Illinois, and Oregon Minnesota Royster. I think naming after cities could be even better: Chippewa Falls, Hampton Roads, or Muscle Shoals. But then again, maybe that's why I'm weird and you're, um, not.)

In any case, this editorial was first published in 1949, and has been published annually ever since. You might enjoy it, so I quote it in full:

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When Saul of Tarsus set out on his journey to Damascus the whole of the known world lay in bondage. There was one state, and it was Rome. There was one master for it all, and he was Tiberius Caesar.

Everywhere there was civil order, for the arm of the Roman law was long. Everywhere there was stability, in government and in society, for the centurions saw that it was so.

But everywhere there was something else, too. There was oppression -- for those who were not the friends of Tiberius Caesar. There was the tax gatherer to take the grain from the fields and the flax from the spindle to feed the legions or to fill the hungry treasury from which divine Caesar gave largess to the people. There was the impressor to find recruits for the circuses. There were executioners to quiet those whom the Emperor proscribed. What was a man for but to serve Caesar?

There was the persecution of men who dared think differently, who heard strange voices or read strange manuscripts. There was enslavement of men whose tribes came not from Rome, disdain for those who did not have the familiar visage. And most of all, there was everywhere a contempt for human life. What, to the strong, was one man more or less in a crowded world?
Then, of a sudden, there was a light in the world, and a man from Galilee saying, Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's and unto God the things that are God's.

And the voice from Galilee, which would defy Caesar, offered a new Kingdom in which each man could walk upright and bow to none but his God. Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. And he sent this gospel of the Kingdom of Man into the uttermost ends of the earth.

So the light came into the world and the men who lived in darkness were afraid, and they tried to lower a curtain so that man would still believe salvation lay with the leaders.

But it came to pass for a while in divers places that the truth did set man free, although the men of darkness were offended and they tried to put out the light. The voice said, Haste ye. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness come upon you, for he that walketh in darkness knoweth not whither he goeth.

Along the road to Damascus the light shone brightly. But afterward Paul of Tarsus, too, was sore afraid. He feared that other Caesars, other prophets, might one day persuade men that man was nothing save a servant unto them, that men might yield up their birthright from God for pottage and walk no more in freedom.

Then might it come to pass that darkness would settle again over the lands and there would be a burning of books and men would think only of what they should eat and what they should wear, and would give heed only to new Caesars and to false prophets. Then might it come to pass that men would not look upward to see even a winter's star in the East, and once more, there would be no light at all in the darkness.

And so Paul, the apostle of the Son of Man, spoke to his brethren, the Galatians, the words he would have us remember afterward in each of the years of his Lord:

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ has made us free and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

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I can't find a link to the original on the Journal's website, but because I am somewhat apprehensive in posting a complete editorial without understanding copyright restrictions for blogs, I'll oblige you with this shameless plug:

Subscribe to the Wall Street Journal today! It features some of the finest news, financial analysis, and commentary you'll find anywhere! Go to WSJ.com now to sign up!

And now that I have let a blatant commercial message sully my blog on this special day, I bid you all,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The Joyfulness We Reject

Hi everybody

A few brief words from me, then the quotations begin.

Briefly, I struggle mightily with joyfulness, or rather, NOT having it. It is easy for me to assume the worst motivations in people and events, or to expect them. It is even easier to presume the worst in myself--that I have failed, or will fail in the future, that I will garner the disapproval or ignorance of others, that I will be hurt. There's a lot that goes in to that, and I would be glad to discuss that with you, but if you bring it up with me, I must warn you--I may assume you are just trying to lecture me. Be forceful enough I can't run away, but gentle enought that I won't want to.

That being said, I have a few thoughts, and some other blessed resources you may find especially nifty.

First, in some ways, my worst fears are correct. None of us are worthy, least of all myself. But we have no reason to leap from failure to despair. A few simple words have broughy joyfulness to my heart:

"You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and appointed you, that you would go and bear fruit and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name, he would give to you." Jn15:16 (NASB)

What an encouragement! How often we assume that we must please God and curry favor. To earn his love. To choose him. But this is not what He desires, nor is it what is best for us. Remember: He chose you. He appointed you. Moreover, he has appointed us to serve Him and bear fruit for Him for His Kingdom. Much can be said about this (and if you want to leave your thoughts in a comment, do so please!!) but the germane point here is this:

We are not the victims of a careless cosmos or a capricious (or malevolent) deity, a far-away terror manifest only in our troubles. Indeed, He is just the opposite: an tremendously close Presence who assumed our troubles upon Himself, who manifest sorrow within Himself, that we would no longer be alone and afraid.

And yet, how often do I turn away! The words written down by John so many centuries ago mean little if I disbelieve them. I am slowly learning just what Christ meant when He called himself a stumbling block, and blessed those who do not take offense at Him. It is too easy to dismiss those scoffers as bitter atheists or secularists, and look at what the do, and call them proud, and spiteful.

I am convinced more and moer that Christ did not say those words to them, but even more so to us. We are the proud! We are the spiteful! We are the scorners! Chief of all myself.

The truth is that I so rarely live like Christ's words hold much promise, that they are water that takes away the thirst. I so rarely believe I am appointed or chosen. I so rarely freed from the burden of trying to earn it.

I keep trying because I want to earn it.

And that is the stumbling block. That is the key. That is the offense. That in spite of all our fears and insecurities, that we still try to do it ourselves. We can only carry either the fruit of the cross, or the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. We choose wrongly.

Here are some super-duper resources I've read in the past few days when not studying biochemistry...

The Captivity of Negativy, by Kara Scwab, at Boundless. Recommended heartily, with two thumbs up--right and left!! (Was that a dumb joke? Oh wait, no more negativity! Dang I almost forgot!)

The next one I will quote in its entirety. It is at spiritdaily.com, a website with Catholic theology and a curious eschatological bent (consult Mr. Webster if you must), but nice little homilies that are only up for a day or so, so to make sure y'all read it, it gets stuck here.

ONLY THROUGH PURITY CAN WE SEE ALL WE NEED TO SEE AND IN THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE

Do you see what is really there? Do you see the truth, the full truth, and othing but? Are you sure there are not distortions in what you observe -- even things imagined?

We go through life with a vision that's imperfect. Sometimes it is more imperfect than at other times. Sometimes, it's outright distorted, as through a prism (or the mirror of a funhouse). Sometimes, we're outright blind. And the reason is that truth is seen in proportion to our purity, our goodness, and our honesty. That's a heavy remark but the eye is the window of the soul and when the soul is murky, when it is blocked, so is what we see.

Sin after sin pile up to block us. We imagine that someone doesn't like us. We imagine they are talking behind our backs. We imagine they have done all kinds of things they may not have done. We fret about what will happen to us. Remember what it says about the "log"? There is the log in our eyes and there are also the logs we dump into our living waters (the part of us that flows from God). Look at what happens in the Northwest when they're lumbering. Logs pile up, obscure the water, and almost halt it.

The same is true with us. Sin. Bad habits. Negative thoughts. Pride. These are all logs that stop the water and thus the tree that could bear fruit alongside it.
It's also like a spring: Clear water allows us to see the bottom (and the fullness of
a creek) while water that's muddy can hide what is in it (even danger: did you
every notice where alligators live?). The truth is clear only when the soul
is pure, and so purify this Christmas and see like you have never seen! See the
truth. See the full picture. Stop imagining the worst.

Ask Our Blessed Immaculate Mother to give you immaculate vision. Purify yourself by elevating yourself into a mindset of love. Go to Confession. Fast before the feast.
This will help you observe matters in a new, fuller way -- and that can be
the source of what Christmas is all about: comfort and joy. Go for it!
It is the time of year when matters can be unusually lucid and you should take
advantage of it: "Lord, let me have new eyesight. Let me see what I should see,
clearly. Let me see reality in more fullness."

"Let me see what is backstage." Remember how when you opened to God you suddenly saw things differently? There are further vistas to open. But sin trips us up. Sin --
even minor sin -- distorts. It darkens. So do bad habits. We stir up the muck
when we are anxious, when we have anger, when we have lust, when we are tapping
into a frenzy of the soul. When our thoughts are "dirty."

When we're lustful, we see only through that lust. It clouds us. It skews our thinking. And when we're jealous, our vision stops at the object of our jealousy.
Deceive others and you deceive yourself! When you're selfish, meanwhile,
it's like trying to walk while holding a mirror in front of you (seeing not what
is in front of you but only yourself, or what is behind you and should stay
there).

On the other hand, when we have purified -- when we're clear, when we're humble -- we get the living waters from Heaven. St. Teresa of Avila once said that the light of Heaven is like "a very clear stream, in a bed of crystal, reflecting the sun's rays," while Sister Lucia of Fatima described the angel she saw as "whiter than snow, transparent as crystal when the sun shines through it."

It is with that light that purity sees. Look at the Infant. Look at the chaste father. Look at the immaculate mother. Invoke them. They will help you purify. They will help you see. They had the foresight of the Holy Spirit. The eye is the window of the soul and impurities cloud it. We see worries that we really don't have to worry about. We argue with members of the family when there really is not something there to argue about. This happens especially at Christmas (when the devil is so active).

If we lie, or cheat -- if there is a bit of deception in us -- our vision is limited in proportion to our deception (or negativity). The same is true if we lack love. Love brings the clearest waters. Good water is clear and bad water is murky from
pollution or algae or some other imbalance. In the maintenance of a pool is
the need for the right pH, the right chlorine, and the right filter that keeps
the water from obscuring what we can see. So too in our lives. This is why
we must remove the "log" to see what we really can see. How often we try to form
judgments based on partial perceptions!

The answer is living and thinking
rightly. The answer is in being a blessing to everyone. The answer is in rising
above the tugs of worldliness through purity. This holiday season -- this season
that is so pure -- resolve to cause everyone around you to feel better. Give
everyone a blessed day. Watch your interior life closely (every thought). Do you
know how it is when you have a day where everything goes right -- when all seems
to flow with grace? Pray that everyone you come across has that experience: give
everyone the gift of a day's blessing.

Such will elevate you. Such will purify. Christmas is a terrific time to purify! Make it the gift to God this holiday -- and to yourself. And see like you have never seen before -- all the way to Bethlehem.

Now this last is a link I found on spirit daily. It is the True Knights, a website against pornography that is "Defending the Family, Defending the Faith" and whose mission is to fulfill the "need for a crusade of manliness and purity to counteract and nullify the savage work of those who think man is a beast. And the crusade is your work."

How flippin-sweet is that?! Plus, the website plays (I kid you not and I am so excited my fingers are trembly) BAROQUE GUITAR CONCERTOS!!! Great googly-moogly! Or, as my jazz-guitarist room mate says when he gets new guitar strings, "Hot Diggety Dog!"

Christmas Message from Jesus

Hi everybody

Someone posted a comment as Jesus on another blog I enjoy, David Kuo's J-Walking. I reproduced it here because we all need a little bit more shameless plagiarism.

Dear Children, It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't
actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival. Although I do appreciate being remembered anytime. How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.
Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.
If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list.
Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.
2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.
3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again.
4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.
5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.
6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.
7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families
8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary--especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.
9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.
10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.
Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do.
I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time
is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most
blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember : I LOVE YOU, JESUS

How often do we focus on the wrong things this Christmas season! Even well-intentioned calls to "put the Christ back in Christmas" are often
a best a showy display, and usually just cause a bunch of fights. What
if we made a conscious effort to put the Christ back in our lives?

Also, my favorite's #6---"warm smiles." What's yours? And don't forget, Google invented comment boxes for a reason, folks. Don't make me threaten you with coal in your stockings. Cause I'll do it. Really. With a warm smile, of course.